The Power of “Special Time”
When was the last time you truly slowed down and entered your child's world? No distractions, no agenda, just connection?
“Special Time” is a key concept in The Incredible Years parenting programme, emphasising the importance of spending 10-15 minutes each day solely focused on your child. This time helps parents connect with their child’s interests through activities like drawing, imaginative play, outdoor play, or baking. Strengthen family bonds and support children’s emotional well-being.
Think of Special Time as a small but valuable investment in your child’s emotional health. Regularly spending focused time together builds a sense of trust, security, and connection that lasts far beyond those 10-15 minutes. It’s a way to let your child know, “I see you, I’m here with you, and you matter to me.”
The Benefits
Stronger Connection
Spending regular one-on-one time with your child strengthens your bond. This time allows for important conversations and shared moments, helping you both understand each other better.
Sense of Belonging and Value
When parents choose to spend time with them, children feel valued. Doing activities together reinforces their sense of belonging and shows them they matter.
Enhanced Trust
Regular special time helps children feel secure and builds trust in their relationship with their parent and their surroundings.
We know that setting aside “playtime” can seem daunting in an already busy day, juggling school, work, extracurricular clubs, and dinner preparation. However, Special Time doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming, and its effect often makes daily routines smoother in the long run. When we pause to give our child undivided attention, we “fill their emotional bucket,” which helps them feel seen, heard, and ready to take on the rest of the day.
Getting Started: Tips for Implementing Special Time
If Special Time is new for your family, consider these practical tips to make it a success:
Talk as a Family
Have a family meeting to suggest starting this as a family. Explain why you want to do this, and allow your child to suggest how and when this time could fit in, and what they would like to do.
Setting clear expectations can help everyone feel more prepared and excited.
Preparation
With your child's list of suggestions, together you could make a “Special Time” box containing these favourite items for easy access.
Plan
Find a time that suits your family’s routine. Whether it’s daily or a few times a week, consistency can help establish a positive pattern.
Consistency is Key, But Flexibility is OK!
Some days may not go as planned, and that’s fine. Try to be consistent; even small, regular pockets of time make a big difference.
Troubleshooting 101
Multiple Children?
Get Creative: If you have more than one child, try alternating days, divide and conquer with another parent or caregiver, or take turns so each child gets their own “Special Time.”
Resistance from your child?
At first, your child may resist the end of Special Time, not wanting it to stop. This is natural and shows how much they enjoy it. Gradually, your child will learn that even though it ends today, it will happen again tomorrow.
Top Tip
Introduce a countdown towards the end, remind your child it will happen again, and continue for the remaining time. “We have five minutes left today; we can play again tomorrow.”
3. Reluctance to engage?
At first, your child may wonder what this new idea is and whether it is here to stay. Your child may refuse to engage with it, even when activities are of their choice. Don't give up. Continue trying and offering as planned. They are likely testing the ground to see if this is real or just a phase.
Top Tip
Don't cut the time short; stay for the planned duration. Remain present. You are showing them that this time is for them and they have your full attention.
At Brave Beginnings, we’re here to support you on this journey.
Please follow us @BravebeginningsUK and let us know if you have any questions or face any challenges as you try out Special Time.
